Shit Runners Say

From being borderline stupid to extremely serious stuff, and most often alien-speak to the non-runners, ‘Shit Runners Say’ is a real thing. Runners get a lot of flak for this, but at the same time this is what makes them true runners.

Here is my attempt to put some of this shit together. And, a lame attempt to clarify a few.

LSD Run

This is literally ‘high’ on the list. Whoever coined the term LSD Run – long slow distance run, must be a genius of the highest order. Right ‘up’ there alongside Tarantino and Holmes.

Runners might argue that they do get ‘high’ while running kilometres in high double and triple digits. Some runners (including yours truly) may have tried both LSDs and the experience is not too far different. Trust me on that please!

Hitting a Wall

Now, who in his/her right mind would be stupid enough to hit a wall while running. Well, most runners do – ask a full marathoner about 32Km mark.

What happens when one literally hits a wall? He/she can NOT go any further. That’s what happens when runners ‘hit a wall’ – boom, race over!

Tired body run

Why run when the body is tired? That’s the time you should rest.

But runners are different. They want to run when body can go no further. And, after that run a little more. Crazy people!

PB and PW

Isn’t PB supposed to mean post-box? Or to a chemical guy, LEAD. And, PW always meant password.

Well, not in running lingo. Personal Best and Personal Worst are part of every runner’s life. Ironically enough, both PB and PW are earned and to be flaunted.

My shoes are 690km old

Only car tyres have distance covered in miles. Why would anyone measure the distance for shoes? Turns out, running shoes are no less than a car tyre. A true runner will tell you the exact miles logged!

I run so that I can eat as much as I want

Admittedly, this one is borderline silly. Why bother eating more when you are only going to burn it soon! Defence rest its case here. :-D.

The plan was to run 20Km but I could only manage 18Km today

Stop flaunting please. Most people do not manage18km in a few months and you are sad because you could not do 2 more than 18Km in a day.

Weekend Long Run

Well, you bust your ass off at work through the week to chill over the weekend. Not true, if you are a runner. Weekends are for long runs.  Busting the legs off over the weekend is a real thing. Did we mention that we also ran some miles on the weekdays!

I just registered for XYX Marathon

You paid money to run 42km? YES

And, you would travel 3500km to another city (may be country/continent) to run 42km? YES

And, blow a few grands to stay in a hotel? YES

And, you will get up at 3am in the morning for the race? YES

And, all of this for a medal and some bananas at the finish line? YES.

Are you nuts? NO, I am a Runner.

I ran at 5:30

Hold on for a bit here. Isn’t speed measured in km/hour? Not cool enough for runners. We measure the time we take per kilometre or mile. Its easier that way.

Did I not say alien-speak at the beginning? This is one such example.

Blisters and lost toe-nails are our ornaments

You got to be kidding on this. Nope, runners mean it. Blisters, busted toe-nails, dark nails are almost 356 days phenomenon for runners. So, might as well flaunt it!

Shut up legs

As if legs can hear you! Runners think they do. Crazy people, I say again!

Minutes in bank

This is legit – there a bank right up there for the runners. It accepts minutes as deposits from a runner only for him/her to withdraw when needed. Can’t you guys just say that you are faster than the plan?

I ran with a 4:30 bus

Why would you run with the bus when you can board it and travel easily? Hang on, we are talking about runners, so anything is possible. Just an FYI for you – there is a runner who runs with a flag with a fixed finish time in mind – that is the bus, you join him/her so that you can achieve your time target.

Still confused? Well, a 4:30 bus guy/gal will finish a full marathon in 4 hours and 30 mins and you join him/her if you want to achieve that time.

Still didn’t get it? Reach out to a running group near you please.

Hill Run

As if running on road wasn’t tough enough! Runners love hill runs – just that most hill runs aren’t even actually on a hill. All they are doing is running on a road which is inclined at any angle between 5 degree to 90 degrees.